One for the road ...

A woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold." The daughter said, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up." So he did. Next day the boyfriend is driving in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The daughter said "Put it between my legs, it will warm up." He did and his nose warmed up. The next day the boyfriend is driving again with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
Later that week, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother. She says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Mother says "Sure why do you ask?" The daughter says, "Well, they just make one hell of a mess when they thaw out"

TWO WOMEN ARE SITTING ON THE FRONT STOP, PASSING THE TIME. "DAMNIT,"SAYS ONE TO THE OTHER,"MY HUSBAND CAME HOME WITH A DOZEN ROSES. I'M GONNA HAVE TO SPEND ALL WEEKEND WITH MY LEGS IN THE AIR." "WHY?" ASKS HER FRIEND. "DON'T YOU HAVE A VASE?"

an us-citizen to a japanese: did you have your elections already?

the japanese: yes sure,evely morning.